Monday, July 21, 2008

Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no." Isn't that in the bible? Yes, it is. It is found in St. Matthew 5:37 Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

That got me to thinking...what does "anything beyond" mean? Could it mean keeping someone 'hanging' who's not gotten a reply or an acknowledgment regarding a questioin after 6 days?...

I have been somewhat annoyed lately at being "blown off" (I doubt it's intentional) by good friends, a couple in particular. I have sometimes forgotten (genuinely forgotten, because I am 53 and post menopausal) to return a call, but rarely if ever, an email, since I'm on line every day checking my mail unless we're out of town. BTW, I know this friend is not out of town.

However, when one says "I'll get back to you tomorrow" and doesn't, what do you do about it? What I did was send an email, after a day went by and she'd not gotten back to me. I sent her the phone # of my other friend who'd asked me to contact this friend for a possible position in the archdiocese for her daughter.

I think some women are way too busy with work these days (could be I'm just a slug.) I then begin to wonder as days go by things like, "Hmm, if I was so & so, I'm sure she would have "gotten back" to HER by now. " What am I, chopped liver after all? Yeah, that is silly, childish thinking on my part. It's also prideful, so I need to go to confession again. I know this particular friend is extremely busy with two very demanding jobs, many books to read, many "irons in the fire." But might there be too MANY irons in her fire? So then what? She herself has told me many times that she's tired of being so busy and stressed and working so much. Is this what she does to every one or just those of her friends that she knows will 'understand.' I do understand, to a point, but...I'm probably over reacting stupidly, but again....

I think we would do well not to give the standard "I'll get back to you tomorrow" if when tomorrow comes we don't, and the next day, after an email comes, we still don't. Maybe it would be better to simply say something like this: "IF I don't call you back or get back to you in a day or two, call me again, ok?" At least then, the one left hanging or being " blown off" and not necessarily intentionally, wouldn't feel the "burden" of being stuck or being a mere pest having to again email or call. Does that make any sense?

I have sent her another reminder e-mail this a.m. to my friend. It was not whiny, or "out of sorts," as I am not 'mad' but I am perturbed. It was forthright and laced with a touch of humor: I signed off with the above picture. I'm guessing a reply will probably come today. Men, you're lucky. You never have to deal with things like this. Your 'yeses' and 'nos' are direct. I wish womens' were. I don't mean to sound so whiny. Maybe it's the hot flashes and the crappy sleep (if you can call it "sleep") over the last 5 years that could be taking its toll? Hoo Nose? But if any of you have some suggestions, I'm up for them... most of the night, I might add. I know I'd have been one of those who would have been swallowed by the ground for complaining on that trek across the desert. God help me and forgive me.


Tracy said...

My suggestion.. don't email.. call instead.
I have gotten in more than my share of hot water over misunderstandings from email.. even with my own mom.. if I would have picked up the phone in all these times.. I could have avoided a great deal of heartache and hurt. If your friend doesn't anwer, leave her a message on her machine, at least she will hear your voice. Email is great but I kid you not.. if I could take back the times I have used email when I should have just made the phone call.. wow.. it would save me some of the dumbest fights I have been into with my mom, sister and sister in law and the thing is.. in the end.. in order to clear things up, we had to get on our phones and talk.. so that is my two cents, take it from someone who has gone through this (as recently as a couple months ago.. geesh, will I never learn)!!

Joyful Catholics said...

Tracy,Thank you so much. You are "spot on" and I know very well what you mean. As it turns out, my friend did get my email and she has written back and all is well. I was also going through a very hard time yesterday. Everything kind of escalated inside my head, and I was in a self pity funk. Some of it IS hormonal, and lack of sleep, but other negative thoughts came plowing through my mind and instead of running to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, or running to Mother Mary, I "bought the bait" on satan's hook. Well, thank God for my loving husband who 'got an earful' and the brunt of my junk last night. But as he ended up by my side on our bed, he just "heard me out" and it was very healing. It was scary to see how selfish I can be and how ugly I can get, but now today I went to Jesus at Adoration and sat with him and St Faustina and I know Divine Mercy washed over me. Thank you for your wisdom and I pray to retain it! God bless you.