Thursday, December 14, 2006

A letter to a dear friend...

My prayer this Advent season, (and asking St. John's fervent intercession for) is regarding this hope: That I'll decrease and Jesus will increase evermore in my heart, attitude and my whole being. He, St. John the Baptist, said "Behold the Lamb of God" The lamb of sacrifice in ancient days had to be male, without spot, blemish, and yes, had to be eaten. How full and overflowing is my gratitude now, to be brought back by His divine mercy and grace, to His Church, where I can finally "eat of the Lamb" who was sacrificed for the forgiveness of my sins at His altar, daily in the re-presentation of his sacrifice on Calvary. The Eucharist. A gift I never before knew the depth of...the true and Real Presence of Jesus! Now, to partake of this meal of the Lamb every day has made me "leap for joy" and set me free to see all things new, and to find Jesus in the face of those that I never even liked. I pray for them now rather than grumble and complain about them. Well, I 'try hard to do that' and sometimes fail, but that's what the blessed sacrament of Reconciliation is for, thank GOD! Transformed by Grace, given at this meal by the Victim Himself and offered by the High Priest, Jesus, is the only way we are free to "go and sin no more."

It's not that I didn't receive grace in other places when I repented, for I know I did. It was all part of this "Eucharistic Journey" so I have no deep regrets, since God used every step along the way to bring me back Home, to Rome. But it's like comparing McDonalds over and over again to a 7 course meal with an array of the most tantalizing desserts and the finest of wines at a most glorious "wedding feast" isn't it?

The messages (I heard over 26 years) preached were good. Some were very good. But they were only appetizers and the "opinions of men" that varied and even were diametrically opposed to another's opinion down the street. For some, that isn't a problem, but for me, it began to be, though at the time, I couldn't have articulated it like I'm able to do now, since I didn't think an actual return to the CC was anywhere close on my 'radar.' The messages and great music, in the end, did not satisfy the longing in my heart for the fullness of Truth - True food/True drink...His Flesh given for the Life of the world. Jesus didn't say "this is a symbol of my flesh, given for the life of the world." The difference is very stark, and incredibly sobering to me now. Why was I deaf to that years ago? I can't say. Why were my ears opened and my eyes opened two years ago? I can't say. Only by Grace. It's a mystery. I will hopefully allow deeper conversion to take place in me daily, and by that same Grace, to one day attain heaven and finally be enraptured by the Face of Love gazing down on me, humbled before Love forever, with Our Lady and the Saints.

Peace of Christ,


Today I ask St. John the Baptist, and St Mary Magdalene to pray for me, to the Lord our God. To our Father, that this prodigal daughter never again will stray.

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