I just read this (here) and it profoundly struck me, in the depth of my heart. I've been going through a "chaotic" time, distractions, depression, darkness and dryness in prayer. I've been 'up and down' of late. But like I heard the description of icons on EWTN last week, it's a "Bright Sadness." That is what icons are, and I am an "icon" of God. We all are. We are human and humans are "up and down" moody. Emotional. The most joyous news and things have occurred in my life, and yet also, a sadness accompanies the joy. To me it's like the "Joyful Mysteries." There's such deep joy at the Presentation of Baby Jesus, and at the very moment the most deep and profound sorrowful news to penetrate the Immaculate Heart of our Blessed Mother, Mary. That's life here in our exile.

The last 2 days in Nebraska it has been windy. It's nothing unusual on the prairie, winds are most constant and it's more unusual for a calm day or two or three in a row. HOWEVER, the unusual aspect of this wind is the "whirlwind" of it, because the wind and the sun, to me, have been different the last few months. The sun's not as bright or golden and the winds have been "chaotic" changing directions and making my dog even nervous, when she never used to be. If "confusion" could be made visible, or tangible it would be the winds of the past few days. While we can't see wind, we do see the effects in the tree tops and in branches being broken and falling on rooftops and yards, and flags being frayed by the constant whipping about. There's a confusion and sadness "in the air" as it were, but not to sound completely morose, I am heartened reading this poem and also going to daily Mass. Praying the rosary soothes my soul and dispels some of that sadness, but not ALL of it. For I think we need to be aware and prepare for the dark times ahead which are moving at breakneck speed. Not to 'dwell' on it, not to become despairing, but to offer up that pain, that emotional turmoil, that sadness and suffering of the heart...offering it at Mass to our Lord as our "sacrifice of praise." The Eucharist is the gift of God, Jesus giving Himself to us, to His children and we must receive our Lord as often as we possibly can now, in that precious Gift. We don't know how long we'll be able to do so, do we?

Father Corapi, on The Abundant Life with Johnette Benkvoic last week, (listen to the MP3 if you can or order the dvd, it was SUPERB!) spoke on the coming darkness and it's rapid approach and how much worse it is going to get. No matter how I 'feel' at this moment, I will clink to Our Lady's hand with her rosary and ask her to pray for me. It's time we get our own 'house in order' for we know not the hour or what is coming, but we do know we've been warned. I need to be changed and the best way to be changed is to receive the Holy Eucharist and to sit in Jesus' presence before the Blessed Sacrament, no matter how I feel.

I MUST contemplate as did Our Lady, pondering in her heart, in silence before my Lord. I must let that Holy Hush penetrate my own disheveled soul, in need of humility to change it into a more compassionate, giving soul, purging it daily of that icy grip of self-love that tries to destroy the peace of Christ. This is war, but the 'War Room' is the Adoration Chapel...there's where you'll get your marching orders and also your armour and all you need to win the battle you're in right now. No matter what it is. GO TO JESUS and SIT IN SILENCE. Let HIM change you.

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Contemplation ...


"As a host of spiritual explorers from all ages have

testified, a marvelous change in identity happens

from the simple act of sitting quietly in the presence

of the chaos of disorganized thoughts, feelings,

and rhythms of heart and breath.



Watching the whirlwind that occupied

the center of my sense of self,

I gradually changed from being

the diseased one to being

compassionate-objective observer who

could transcend the chaos and remain calm.



In the middle of that battleground

which is my personality –

swept with confused alarms of struggle

and flight where the ignorant armies of

the superego and id clashed by night –

I discovered a peaceful kingdom.”


Sam Keen
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